Week 21 of Gibraltar Diary

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Sunday 3rd August 2008

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We are on our way to a wedding but suddenly my girlfriend spots an Audi R8. In a screech of tyres I do a U turn and chase after it - overtaking a Mercedes and slotting in behind the R8 just in time to brake very hard for the speed camera. Sorry about that.

During the marriage ceremony the priest mumbles somewhat with the result that the deaf (me) and people for whom English is not their first language (the rest of the congregation) are permanently confused so standing, sitting or kneeling is somewhat freeform. To add to the confusion, so many people are taking photos and videos that I half expect somebody to yell out "Hey, Priest, just do that bit again will ya?" but nobody does but any deficiencies in the proceedings are more than made up for by the number of pretty girls present.

Afterwards there is a wonderful reception at Rookery Hall which is an hour's drive away but an excellent venue.

Monday 4th August 2008

We get home very late in the morning. When we get up we discover that a large bird has crashed into one of our windows leaving a clear impression but fortunately not breaking the glass. What happened to the bird we don't know but hope he has recovered and is now dining out on the experience:

"it was just like flying into a brick wall but there was nothing there. Amazing. I can't explain it but it really did happen - just look at the shape of my neck. I read a site on the web that says it's all the fault of the CIA and the Trilateral Commission but personally I blame George Bush".

Tuesday 5th August 2008

I work most of the day and in the evening we catch a flight to Dublin arriving at about 11.30pm. It is cold and wet.

Wednesday 6th August 2008

It is raining all day and apart from a brief foray to the local Spar to buy a newspaper we stay in the flat, looking out of the window now and again when we hear sirens (which is several times a day). In case you were wondering, a LANA BUS is a Bus Lane. At least, I assume it is. If it is not then the whole basis of my existence will be called into doubt.

Thursday 7th August 2008

After a wander round Dublin, we go to see Space Chimps. Big mistake. Again, like WALL-E this is heavily influenced by 2001: A Space Odyssey and Shrek but it is just a kids film with nothing for older people to chuckle over. Even worse, the cinema is full of smelly, fidgeting kids. Avoid if you are over ten.

Friday 8th August 2008

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After a bite to eat in our favourite cafe in Wicklow we visit Tescos. Unfortunately, I can't take the excitement and accordingly sit in the car and read the paper while my girlfriend lives life on the edge. Finally, she is done and we drive home via Laragh which sounds romantic but consists of a Petrol Station and Standard Issue Irish Bungalows (SIIBs).

There is some spectacular
scenery on the route over the moors to Dublin but unfortunately, a whole host of tiny black flies have worked out that if you hang around tourist traps you will be assured of a regular supply of meals on wheels. Quite why they have to sting as well as eat I have no idea but they do.

There are also a couple of sheep hanging around but what their angle is we fail to establish. They are pretending to eat grass but I am sure they are up to something. People who think that the CIA blew up the World Trade Centre will know.

Friday 9th August 2008

We walk past a "living statue" who is rather aggressively seeking tips from people who photograph him. I give him a whole collection of small English coins which have been annoying me for some time. It's not that I'm mean, you understand ...

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      End of Week 21 of Gibraltar Diary

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